Lose Yourself
by erikjavert24601
Summary: Slightly AU. Erik has another protege, making a complicated sort of love-parallelogram. Her perspective on AIAOY, in which her love of Erik drives her to sacrifice her own emotional integrity in order to offer him the solace he needs. I'm fond of this one


**Lose Yourself**

"Behold! She is singing to bring down the chandelier!" I projected my voice throughout the theatre, before pulling the lever that would drop the chandelier. I saw Christine fly into the wings and I followed, knowing she was running into the comforting arms of her young boy. I was right of course, and I again felt the all too familiar ache within my chest as I followed them up to the roof.

***********

Erik had warned me not to attend the show that night, and I was sad to see why. This was not the Erik I knew. What had this Christine done to him? She made him jealous and brought out all the bad in the man I loved so dearly. He loved her, I knew as much. I was jealous; I had come to cherish my relationship with him. We were friends. I often wished for more, but I was generally content, unwilling to jeopardize that which we already had. If his love for Christine worked out, I wished him to be happy, even if it meant I was not.

When I saw him drop the chandelier from my spot in the wings, I saw Christine flee with Raoul, and saw the familiar shadow following them. I tracked Erik's shadow up to the roof.

By the time I got there, Christine was already in tears, telling the Vicomte all about the horrible monster, the insane lunatic who had kidnapped her. She even started telling him about the monster's terrible face, the face of a demon, a living corpse!

At that point I was fully prepared to confront her and defend my teacher, when something from the corner or my eye made me freeze: my Erik, hiding behind the statue of Apollo. But that was not what stopped me. The sight that chilled the blood in my veins was my friend and tutor doubled over in pain, his thin body racked by silent convulsions. It took all my will power not to rush toward him and comfort him in his despair.

Raoul and Chrisine began singing to each other, pledging their love to one another. I saw Erik sink to his knees clutching his heart. It was then that I decided upon a course of action. I joined my voice with Christine's, walking slowly toward my teacher.

All I want is music,

A world with no more light,

And you always beside me,

To teach me and to guide me.

The two sickening lovebirds near us were oblivious, too wrapped up in their own perfect selves to pay us mind. I continued in Christine's part, then waited for Erik to take up Raoul's. I waited anxiously to see how Erik would receive my offer of friendship. Not just friendship, love.

He looked up at the sound of my voice, understandably surprised. I gave him a questioning look. After a few beats he joined in with Raoul. Encouraged, I came closer and he took my hands in his. We continued our duet until finally Raoul and Christine stopped. We looked over at them simultaneously and saw then kiss. We turned back to each other, and I gave Erik what I hoped was an understanding smile, and gently squeezed his hand. He loved Christine; I couldn't expect him to betray that love any further. I knew Christine's betrayal had hurt him, and I wanted to ease his pain in any way I could.

I began to turn away, when suddenly I felt his lips on mine. Completely surprised, I couldn't think and for a second I didn't' respond. Once I regained my senses, however, I returned the kiss, happily losing myself in the warmth of Erik's lips. He drew me close, and I nestled my head against his warm chest. Christine and Raoul had left, but we didn't notice. We stood there for an eternity rocking back and forth, dancing gently to our own rhythm.

I loved Erik dearly. I knew that even that kiss wasn't true. I knew he was imagining Christine in my place even as we danced. Erik had known so much pain in his life, I was glad to take some of it away. I loved Erik enough to give him my love where he couldn't have Christine's. Losing himself in the soft curves of a woman might have a numbing effect. If it was a choice between me and the morphine, Erik could take me anytime.


End file.
